Motherhood as a Career
When this subject was presented to me, I had to think to myself, “What does this mean to me?” I had my own struggles on what to write because I struggle with both sides. Motherhood as a career and a career outside of the home. I love being a Mother, BUT I don’t find it all fulfilling. I love having something else for myself. It has taken me quite a while to sit down and get my thoughts together on this post. It can be a difficult subject because of the elements of guilt and shame that surround it. And there are a few things that run through my head as I write this. The first being, will I be judged for how I view motherhood? Motherhood as a career is not for everyone.
This is something that is happening FOR us, not TO us.
But I am going to be honest with you because I am a transparent person and never want to sugar coat anything. I’m not a fan of it. There, I said it. Now, let’s clear something up. I LOVE my child so much that it at times, has made me sick when she is going through something. It really is true when they say a child is your heart walking outside of your body.
I have also found having a career outside of the home while being a mother was difficult for me too. That’s just me. I struggle with both. So where does that leave me? That leaves me with trying to find a happy medium. I’m not going to use the word balance because that does not exist. So happy medium is where I’m going to be. I knew while I was pregnant that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. My husband and I spoke about it a lot and it was something that was really important to us. I wanted to have those experiences of my daughters first word, her first steps, her first everything. And I wanted to be able to see it in person and capture it in a photo or video to send to my husband when it happened. And I loved every minute of it. I loved the newborn stage, the infant stage, and the toddler stage.
When my daughter was about nine months old,I did feel a pull on not being connected with other adults though. Because let’s be real, motherhood can be a lonely place.
I needed something for ME, something I can call my own. So I started with a direct sales company that I saw a lot of potential in. I am a people person but I am also an introvert. I need my time to be a majority of being alone and then I also need time with other people. So this was perfect. I would be home with my daughter during the day and 1 to 2 nights a week I could go out and do parties and socialize and have adult conversation. All while making money to help with our family expenses. I did that for about four years. I built up an organization and was a leader of quite a few people. I love being a leader and inspiring others, but I found it difficult to do that and be a leader and inspire my family at the same time. So there was that happy medium, it wasn’t there for me.
After that happened it was summertime and my daughter was home from school full-time. I struggled a lot because I was overwhelmed with trying to keep her busy and get the things done for my home that I needed to do. I found myself overwhelmed and upset all the time. Once school started I got a part-time job at her school. I thought that would be perfect and I would have my happy medium. It turned out that it wasn’t. I felt even more overwhelmed. I felt that I didn’t have time to get my home tasks done and be a happy mom and wife. So I left that job. Now I work from home with my own business and I am our home manager. I find that I go through ups and downs with it. My attitude being the hardest struggle. I tend to lean more towards the negative things in life instead of seeing the positive. Aha- a learning opportunity for us as Mother’s. It’s funny how when we are in certain seasons of life, God shows us the lesson to be learned. I have to be intentional with my thoughts and pump myself up. Try it out for yourself. Tell yourself in the evening before you lay your head down, “ I am a great Mother." "I struggle just like everyone else, but I am determined that tomorrow will be a better day.”, “ I GET to make dinner for my family.”, I GET to pay our bills.”. Try that for every demand you have in your life and let me know if it changes your mind set and mentality. 🙂
There are definitely seasons where things are more crazy and I get overwhelmed easily. Does that happen to you? It could also be those same seasons where I don’t enjoy motherhood as a career. I need to have something for me. I need to have time and space and silence for myself to be a good mother and to be a good wife.
I compare myself a lot to the mothers who seem to have it all together. They have homemade healthy meals cooked every night, fun activities planned for their family all the time, they look put together all the time, and just generally have their life together. And these moms genuinely enjoy what they do. I was totally that mom for the first 4 years or so and LOVED it.
But then I remind myself that social media is a liar. People only post the good and happy things. They don’t post their children throwing tantrums, stomping down the hall saying that they hate you and they want to move out, and they don’t post about how hard and draining it can be to be a mom. I think it takes more out of us mentally than it does physically. It’s a lot to coordinate sports schedules, work schedules, meals ,cleaning ,etc. It’s very easy to get worn out and irritated with all of this responsibility on our shoulders. This is where it’s important to communicate with our spouses, partners, or family that are in this with us. We need to ask for help. If we are not the best version of ourselves FOR ourselves, we cannot be the best version of ourselves to our family.
I came across something in a devotional I am currently reading and it really hit home with me. The book is called "Pressing Pause , 100 quiet moments for moms to meet with Jesus" by Karen Ehman and Ruth Schwenk. They state,
“Motherhood is a noble and sacred calling. But motherhood can’t be the primary source of our identity. We are more than moms. “
WHOA. It’s such a simple statement but at the time it really hit my heart. Because we are more than moms. And whether we choose a motherhood as a career or a career outside of the home, we are still mothers. We are all in this together and need each other to lift one another up.
I personally feel that if you find something that is just for you, whether that is working outside of the home or being a work at home mom or having a hobby where you can get out of your home a few nights a week, you will be a better mother, wife, and woman.
I recently put a poll up on Instagram asking if people they loved motherhood as a career.It was about 60% do love it, and 40% don’t. It started a great conversation with a lot of my followers. I let them know that in NO WAY should they feel shame or guilt if their answer was no. You know why? Because we are all there at some point. Your feelings are YOUR feelings and no-one can take that from you.
One of my friends responded back with something I absolutely loved! She has older children so she has that experience on me. She said,
“ Love your kids hard, give them all you can, but also have something for yourself because the endgame of this whole motherhood gig is to work yourself our of a job. You need something for you for when they grow up and do what they’re supposed to do: go make their own life.”
I needed to hear that!! I hope you are able to take something away from that as well.
So my question to you is, did you choose motherhood as a career or did it choose you? Are you genuinely fulfilled and happy with where you are right now in your motherhood journey?
Comment on this post and let’s get a conversation going.